When we're divorced, there are fullness of ways to embitter our kids. Especially if you spend a minority of time with them, you need to be acutely aware of doing things that will strain or damage your relationship. Here are five things you should avoid if you don't want to alienate your kids.
1. Over-protecting your kids: We've all seen the guy at the playground who hovers over his kid like a hawk, fearing every bump or bruise that might come from the monkey bars. There's a guess kids always say, "I want to do it Myself!" They gain trust and ease by learning new things and conquering fears. Over-protecting your child stifles those things.
Kids Dollhouse
2. Favoring one child over another: Most parents claim they treat their kids equally, but ask roughly any pair of siblings and you'll likely get a dissimilar story. Personally, I think my parents were much easier on my brother when it came to grades in school. And my brother thinks they went easier on me when it came to bad behavior. Maybe we're both right...or maybe we're both wrong. But we have to make a real endeavor to treat our kids with equal regard and discipline.
3. permanently discouraging your children: You should encourage your kids every chance you get. Encourage them to be unique individuals, encourage them to try new things, encourage them to get up when they've been knocked down. Discouraging your kid only breaks her spirit. And it pushes her added away from you instead of pulling her closer. In the same vein, bitter words and corporal cruelty (no, I'm not referring to spanking) are totally unacceptable and should never be tolerated.
4. Neglecting your kids: To me, this is the cardinal sin of divorced dads. You've already lost the capability to see your kids all the time, so why wouldn't you take every chance no matter how large or small to show them that you love and retain them. If you don't, you're a neglectful father, plain and simple.
5. Denigrating your ex-wife in front them: She may have left you for a constuction owner eight years younger than her, and you may hate her for it. But you really can't, under any circumstances, talk about what a lying, cheating so-and-so she is when your kids are around. Do it all you want when you're drinking beer with the fellas, just keep your kids out of that conversation...always. Just about any kid from a divorced home will tell you that it hurts when they hear one parent say nasty things about the other parent. And it will at last sway your relationship with your kids in a negative way. Three words...don't do it.
Go home tonight and ask your kids which of these five things you could enhance on the most. Most importantly, listen to what they have to say. You may not mean to be over-protective or play favorites, but perception is reality to kids.
5 Ways to Alienate Your Kids
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